I turned 25 last week!
So much is happening that my birthday feels really unimportant this year. I am usually someone who likes to absorb attention and be recognized on my birthday, so it feels very strange to say that.
I feel like 25 should be a year where I think about expectations of "achievement", "productivity", etc., but I'm honestly just trying to survive right now. I feel like I accepted a long time ago that I might never fit someone's idea of what any person of any certain age should have achieved or produced, and at the same time I feel called to be useful. It definitely is a pivotal moment in time, on a global scale, and I am not exempt from that. The pandemic (and everything else) is making me think a lot about who I am and what I can offer the world. I think I do the most meaningful work on a person to person level - treating those I love with care and learning with them. I also love working with kids. We'll see where those ideas take me.
What is adulthood, and when do we achieve it? I feel like I've been an adult since I was a child, and also like I will never be an adult. I want to feel hungry to learn new ideas forever. I want to be playful and sweet with people I love, like a child. I want to ask for help, and be held, and taken care of. Can adults do these things? I hope so. I also want to do these things for others.
I'm excited to connect with parts of my brain I haven't used in a while in January. I'm going to be taking some classes. I used to be good at school, when I was a kid. Sometimes I wonder if what made me good at school was my drive to be rewarded for fulfilling criteria. I don't have that same drive now. I feel like I know that I am valued for more than that. But I also know that I am still quite competitive. Thomas and I have been playing chess, and I have realized that I really don't like to lose. It's a lot of fun getting better at the game, though!!
I'd love to hear about what kinds of thoughts have come up, or will come up, on your first pandemic birthday. Tell me about it.